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*** Sailor Moon verses the Sailor’s Moon! Her most diabolically evil foe ever! ***

“Oh no! What-t-t, what is-s she doing n-n-now?”, says a catatonic Sailor Mars.

Sailor Moon repeatedly plunged a long metal fence post deep into the alien’s corpse, making a loud clang as it struck the pavement. Pressing her boot down upon it, chest bones broke apart as she wrenched the rib cage wide open.

“Ah ha!”, says Sailor Moon.

“No way. She can’t be.”, says Sailor Venus.

“Can’t be what?”, says Sailor Jupiter.

“She’s possessed by the ghost of Steve Irwin!”, says Venus.

“I don’t know about that, I am not picking up spectral activity.”, says Sailor Mercury as she looks about through her visor goggles.

Sailor Moon kneeling down reaches into the gaping fleshy wound and pulls out a substantially large gemstone. It’s deep red facets glisten between alien blood and bile. Wiping it dry with a fold of the alien’s robe she holds it up for inspection.

“Nicccce….”, says Sailor Moon. She tucks the sparkling gem into her bra top and stands up.

The splattered body lying on the road, out of place in the middle of a suburban shopping district makes Sailor Moon consider the unsavory mess. In a token effort to clean up, she grabs the monster’s arms and with difficulty drags the body over to the gutter. It’s passage leaving a long trail of gooey blue liquid and entrails.

“Oh, that’s disgusting.”, says Sailor Jupiter.

A leg had fallen off on the way, so Sailor Moon had kicked it to the side where it rolled and met up with the rest of the alien body, albeit upside down.

“Right!”, says a delighted Sailor Moon, briskly wiping her hands together in a cleaning ritual. “Shall we go?”

“NOT so fast lassie!”, says an man in a mean husky voice.

Sailor Moon spun about confronted with a filth ridden old man dressed in dirty fishing attire. Sarina didn’t know what struck her first, the impacting stench of month old sea creatures that had been freshly rotted in a dank closet, or the fact that a perverted, wrinkly, old man was unashamedly dropping his plastic, waterproof pants in front of her.

“Geesus! What the crap!”, said Sailor Moon holding her arms up.

“Ayee! You be ina ocean a trouble now lassie!”, says the old man starting to slowly gyrate the exposed top of a pink bottom in front of the Sailor Scouts.

“Urghh! Don’t look at it!”, shouted Sailor Moon turning away in disgust.

“It’s hard!”, says Sailor Venus, “The smell is.. wretched!”

The old man began to rhythmically move his rear end from side to side in slow motion accented with a slight up and down orientation to mimic waves on the sea.

“Ayee, ye be fallen into me sinister trap!”, says the old man as several stinking fish flop from his trousers onto the pavement. “There be no escape from the dark swirlin’ pool’a shame!”

The enveloping, oppressive smell, the repulsive visual and the intensity of the sun and the heat concentrated the effect of this dire situation.

Rocking up, sweeping down, rolling over, the motions of the old man’s rear end hypnotically danced to a silent and evil tune, his belt loosened and the pant’s dropped further. Shifting into and out of vertigo, the girls struggled to gain perspective. The effect waxed and waned in time with the trajectory of his jiggling pink buttocks.
Their vision swelled and the old man made a swooooshing sound like an ocean. The noise in their pulsating ears seemed to magnify it’s disorienting effect.

Sailor Mercury with an arm shielding her eyes falls to her knees. “I can’t take it! It’s too much!”

“Hang in there Mercury!”, says Sailor Jupiter struggling to hold her ground.

“Arrh! I-I – can see.. A boat anchor…”, says Sailor Venus.

Speeding up his gyrations the old man says, “Ayee look into the black whirl’ pool-o-shame, it be darker than Davey Jone’s locker ona midnight gale!”

“No! Don’t look at it!”, says Sailor Moon, gagging on an upset stomach, “Whatever you do, don’t look at the center!”

“Too late!”, yelled Sailor Jupiter.

Those that could see behind through squinting eyes saw Sailor Mars prostrate on the ground with arms and legs outstretched, her eyes wide open. Frothy bubbles oozed out of her mouth and she hummed an innocuous tune.

With all the rhythm and agility of an Indian Snake charmer, the old man increased the intensity of motion. A long sweep to the side with a peak of an upstroke at the end, followed by a long falling dip only to repeat it on the other side. Each of his seemingly independent, calloused pink buttocks making the motions that much more disturbing.

Like he was commanding a symphonic stage, vertigo held and the world heaved about, each Sailor Scout was beginning to stagger like they were on a ship in a storm.

“I think I’m gunna be seasick!”, says Sailor Moon, holding her mouth and wandering backward and sideward.

“I-I can see a fish!”, yells Sailor Venus.

Sailor Jupiter forcing her arms and legs to command her stood as stiff as able, assuming a battle pose and looking straight at the enemy , “Jupiter! Thunder!... Ouhp!…. Ouhp! ... Ju-”, (*HURL*). Chunks of breakfast splatter over the road and Sailor Jupiter staggers backward into Sailor Venus.

“I’ve got you Jupiter!”, says Sailor Venus.

“Sarina! I can’t—hold.. o..h…”, says Sailor Mercury as she passes out to the ground.

Up, down, up and down. The man moved, side to side, round and round. And now at the top of each lengthening gyration the man was wiggling his assets in a small shimmy.

Sailor Jupiter slumped backward and Venus supported her to the ground,
The world lurched, Sailor Moon was going to fall unconscious any minute.

“Hurry Sailor Moon! We..c…”, says Sailor Venus who slid to the ground. Her words mumbled to nothing.

“Last chance, ….. screw…. it!”, says Sailor Moon.

Unbalancing, she reached into her back bow streamer and pulls out a gun. As she fumbles for the safety switch, her legs struggle to keep her upright.

The world heaved to the left and Sarina staggered to balance against it.

With her eyes opening and closing she held out a balancing arm and with the other pointed the gun in the direction of the swooshing sound, which to her felt like everywhere.

KA-POW!

*Shatter!-!-!* went a glass window. “Shit!”, Sarina fought to keep her balance, but one thing kept her determined and resolute. ‘Darion will not upstage me!”

The world heaved to the right, and Sarina nearly fell over. Her legs wobbled but just kept up.

Sarina closed her eyes tight and with all her determination fingered clumsily around the gun to switch it into semi automatic mode. She knew the old man was jiggling up a stinking buttock storm and that she was nearly unconscious. “Focus Dammit!”

She felt a long sweep as the world seemed to move forward like a lurching sand bank beneath her. Her legs barely able to counteract the motion. And then just as she was getting her balance, the moving plane changed direction again. Her legs failed to keep up, Sarina fell forward toward the ground, but as she went she squeezed and squeezed the gun’s trigger over and over again. And that’s when her world vanished into a blotchy, grey darkness.

(To be continued....)


(TOTAL APPOLOGIES TO ALL SAILOR MOON FANS!.!.! ..... I promise I'll make it up to you guys soon!)

(By the way, you can print this out, post it on your website etc, I don't mind. Please keep the webaddress on, then more people come to visit and I end up doing more cartoons. )